


Kotori Minami goes to McDonalds

by nomoretears



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival ALL STARS (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: 2 Dollars, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Cussing, Existential Crisis, Fast Food, Friendship, McDonald's, Other, Out of Character, Philosophical Rambling, The Backrooms - Freeform, this is a really bad shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:33:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24295909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomoretears/pseuds/nomoretears
Summary: After being abandoned by her dear mother, Kotori goes on an epic quest to go to McDonald's, with the help of Honoka and Eli.i.e. the shit quarantine makes me write
Relationships: Minami Kotori & McDonald's, Minami Kotori/McDonald's
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	Kotori Minami goes to McDonalds

**Author's Note:**

> one day i woke up and said "hey wouldnt it be funny if i wrote about kotori going to mcdonalds?" and then this shitstorm was born
> 
> stan kotori

The wind was crispier than Mountain Dew when Kotori Minami set foot outside her house. 

“Kotori.” Mama Minami called for her daughter. “Where are you going?”

“McDonalds.” Kotori replied, a fistful of money clenched in her hand. 

“Can you get me a McHotdog?”

Kotori stared at her blankly. “Mom. McHotdogs don’t exist.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Mama Minami said, slamming the door on her daughter and storming back inside the house. 

“The audacity of that bitch.” Kotori grunted in her extremely helium-induced voice as she got out of the house and walked to the nearest McDonalds. 

Walking to McDonalds alone felt strange. There was no Honoka or Umi tagging by her side, or anybody else for that matter. Out of reflex and instinct, Kotori detoured. 

Kotori blasted the doors to the Kousaka household without mercy. 

“Hey!” Yukiho yelled at her. “Minami! What are you doing?!”

“I’m borrowing your sister for my own self-indulgent desires, for the human mind is a fragile thing.” Kotori answered her as she barged into Honoka’s room. 

Honoka almost fell out of her chair. “Kotori!”

“The human mind is not without flaws. With every breath we breathe comes a question- are we truly worthy of living on this earth? Does whatever being on this earth placed us on its surface expect us each to do something meaningful with our lives? Are we being judged with how we spend our finite amount of time?”

“Kotori, this is a fanfic about you dragging me and Eli to McDonald’s.”

“Oh. Yeah. I forgot.” 

Kicking Yukiho in the shin for complaining about Kotori wearing shoes in the house to absolutely none of Honoka defending her, the pair walked out of the house and Kotori recounted her money, a grand total of only $2.

“Wait, Why Eli? We’ve both known Umi for so much longer.” Honoka spoke up suddenly.

“I mean, it’s in the tags. It’s got to happen at some point.” Kotori motioned to a void above them that didn’t actually exist. 

“But is there some kind of other meaning? Is Umi just a fragment of our minds?”

“Can you stop being philosophical for two seconds?” Honoka grumbled. “Anyways, we’re probably just replicating the true experience of watching the Love Live! School Idol Project franchise and realizing Umi doesn’t get an episode that centers on herself.”

“Tough shit.” Kotori replied, as she spotted someone in front of her who looked vaguely familiar. And Russian. “Oh hey, it’s Eli!”

“What?” Eli looked around. “Where the fuck am I?”

“Get in bitch, we’re going to McDonalds.” Kotori smiled, the space around them obviously absent of any cars or vehicles that Kotori was referring to. Eli glossed over this fact as she shrugged and walked with them, with nothing better to do. 

“What are we even going to get there?” Eli turned to the other two.

“Well I’m getting 10 piece McNuggets with sweet and sour sauce.” Kotori replied. “Honoka, I think you should just straight up ask for hamburger buns like the weird bitch you are.”

“Sounds like another great day to destroy my diet!” Honoka smiled gingerly. “What about you, Eli? Vodka?”

“I’m thinking vinegar for today, actually. Straight up.”

“Silly Eli, you’re gay as fuck! You can’t be straight!” Honoka refuted. 

“Good to know we’re all staying healthy!” Kotori cheered. “Oh shit, there’s the McDonalds!”

Exploding the doors off their hinges, Kotori skipped in as Honoka and Eli followed directly behind her.

“Excuse me, what the fuck?!” A familiar voice from behind the counter shouted at them. “KOTORI?”

“Sup, Yazawa. Lemme get a number 10. Sweet and sour.” Kotori towered over Nico at the register. 

Nico looked dumbfounded. “HONOKA? ELI?”

“Didn’t you read the tags?” Honoka cocked her head to the side as Eli had nothing new to say. 

“What tags? Can you speak a language I understand?”

“Like English?” Eli asked. 

“Hell no! Japanese!” Nico looked frustrated. “What has gotten into you guys? And why Eli?”

Eli shrugged. “You ask like you expect me to know.”

Nico sighed in defeat. As Honoka and Eli rang up their orders, Kotori found a seating area. 

“Wouldn’t it have been easier for Hanayo or Umi to have taken my place? This fic could’ve just been called ‘The Second Years go to McDonald’s’. Or if you’d gotten Hanayo, ‘printemps go to McDonald’s.’”

“Man, Eli, shut up for two minutes, the food’s coming.” Kotori gestured to Nico, who walked over with a tray. 

“Your ten piece.” A box of nuggets and two small green containers were placed in front of Kotori.

“Your… bread.” Nico exasperatedly placed a wrapped-up piece of food, to which Honoka excitedly unveiled to two hamburger buns.

“Your vinegar.” Nico slammed an entire container of vinegar that looked like it had been robbed from a grocery store. Eli took an entire swig. 

“That’ll be $100.” Nico turned to Kotori, visibly looking like she wanted to go home right around now.

Kotori slammed her two bucks on the table. 

“$98.”

“Keep the change!” Kotori smiled. 

“Fuck you.” Were Nico’s last words before Kotori smacked her into The Backrooms, clipping through the grimy McDonald's tiles on the floor. 

There was a moment of silence at the table. 

“YOU FUCKING KILLED NICO!” Eli gained sentiance, looking like she was about to kill Kotori.

“Why was Nico even working at McDonald’s anyway?” Honoka asked. 

Kotori smiled. “All in a day’s work of a weird-ass shitpost!”

**Author's Note:**

> fuck count: 6
> 
> nico died in the backrooms
> 
> edit 5/23/2020 i idolized intial koroti in all stars. thank you kotori this is exactly why i wrote this
> 
> edit 1/3/2021 ok i was gonna say something funny here but i forgot what exactly i was gonna say so uhhhh stream holiday by lil nas x i guess
> 
> edit 2/7/2021 hi. i just want to reiterate i put no effort into this. i really should be doing my english homework right now. what if i just start logging everything here how long will it be until someone notices


End file.
